Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The toe pledge

In response to my pedicure post, my sister sent me this:

It's that time of the year again. Please
> Raise your big toes and repeat after me:
>
> As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules
> when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:
>
> I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
> and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the
> sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
>
> I will vow to keep my nails polished (clear polish is acceptable) and the polish fresh, intact and
> chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
>
> I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
>
> I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
>
> I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
> mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if
> I tuck it there.
>
> If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to
> place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
> No matter how much it hurts.
>
> I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend
> Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
>
> I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
> price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'
> sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others.
> No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would
> hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
>
> I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell
> and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
>
> I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
> asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell
> her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the
> way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look
> good.
>
> I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually
> flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear
> NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
>
> I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per
> season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY
> penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.
>
> And finally...
>
> I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show
> Signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals...
>
> For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to
> other Sisters.
>
> May God Bless your Soles as well as your Soul!

8 comments:

Purechristianithink said...

And in the interests of complete sisterhood honesty, I break all of these commandments regularly except the one about the jellies.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

Amen! I promise to abide by these rules!

I hate the over hang look.

Sally said...

Amen, off to get a pedicure...til then my feet will stay firmly in my shoes!

SingingOwl said...

I am afraid that if you all saw my feet I'd be the one you told never to wear sandals. :-(

jledmiston said...

. . . so help me God.

Please report back and let us know how it went. Enjoy.

Sue said...

These are good vows. I will endeavour to keep them. Thanks for mentioning hairy toes. My husband thinks I'm part hobbit because I get the occasional "fur" on my big toe. Sheesh.

juniper68 said...

:)

cheesehead said...

Now here's a pledge I can keep!