Shake, Rattle, Roll

We're fine. No damage hereabouts, just lots of pictures haning crookedly on the walls. It felt worse than it was.

Though several folks asked me "How did you like your first earthquake?" this was not my first. They get earthquakes in the Pacific Northwest pretty often, but Californians seem not to be aware of this. I experienced my first earthquake, the "Spring Break Quake" of 1993, just a few days after I met my husband. This allows us to make all sorts of sappy jokes about how "the earth moved" when we met. Har. Har.

Today in the office we discussed the pros and cons of various natural disasters. What's worse/better? The hurricane you watch approach over a period of days, the tornado that gives you about two minutes' warning or the earthquake that gives no warning at all?

Discuss.

Yikes!

EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Overheard at DFW

We were waiting at the gate for a flight at DFW Airport.

Presently, another traveller walked into the area where we were sitting. She was talking loudly on her cell phone and she was angry.

"Well....I'm finally at the damn gate. It took me twenty-five minutes to get through security. You know what those damn security guys took away from my ass?????"

At this point the ass in question was only a foot or two from our noses. It was sizeable. I whispered to my son, "Whatever it was, they didn't take quite enough!"

We're bad.
( The confiscated item turned out to be a jar of salsa that was way bigger than the 3 oz.limit for liquids.)


When we relayed this tale (ahem) to my Mom and sister they exclaimed:

"TSA will take stuff away from your ass? Who knew! I should travel more often!"
"Yeah, I'll take my smaller sized swim suit with me! Psyched!"

They're bad too.



Back to vacation. As you were.

True Purpose

Every year for the past ten years I've been in conversations with church staff, parents, kids etc. about whether Vacation Bible School is an idea whose time has passed. Is it time to let go of this mid-20th century manifestation of Christian formation instead of clinging to it, tweaking it, and waxing nostalgic about the hundreds of youngsters who flocked to this hallowed week at our church "back in the day"?

But I think I have finally accepted the real purpose of VBS. It acts as a once-a-year antidote to Pastors taking themselves too seriously. In the past three days I have:

Helped a nine-year old stuff bird seed into a balloon.
Led fifty+ children and youth in a rendition of "Jesus Was A Cool Dude"
Soaked, squashed and crumpled T-shirts, then placed them in the church freezer.
Arbitrated a jello dispute between two kindergarteners
Cheered enthusiastically for TEAM PURPLE!!!
Listened to biblical instruction from a squirrel puppet.

You see? VBS still plays an important role.

Why is it . . .

That no matter what the theme,
Or the curriculum,
Or the format,
Or the denomination hosting the event. . .


From my own days as a VBS-going kid
Until the present

Vacation Bible School always and invariably involves me coming home with a piece of construction paper to which cotton balls have been glued????

Two Questions

1. The other night I had a dream that I was praying for an old friend. So the theological/psychological question: If you are praying in a dream, is it a real prayer?

2. Someone in our church is furious at me because he was "not informed" about a particular something. This particular something was included in an article in the church newsletter, announced at two different congregational meetings, highlighted in a children's moment in worship, and was the topic of discussion at several Session and Deacon's meetings. So, the question is: Whose fault is it that the person was "not informed"?

I'll take your answers off the air.

What Gave It Away?

I've been puzzling over something that happened to me at General Assembly last week. One morning I arose quite early to attend the Presbyterian Peace Fellowship Breakfast. As it happened, the Presbyterians for Renewal Breakfast was happening at the same time in an adjoining ballroom. As it also happens, I have friends in both organizations and might well have attended both events if they had not been scheduled opposite each other. (For non-Presbys, the Presbyterian Peace Fellowship would be considered a "lib'ral" affinity group within our denomination and PFR a conservative one.)

Access to both breakfasts was via an escalator to the sencond floor of a downtown hotel. At the top of the escalator, a woman from PFR was helping folks find the right event. As I stepped of the escalator, she smiled at me and said, "The Peace Breakfast is over there."

Okay. What gave it away? How did she reach such a quick decision about what event I was looking for? I was dressed modestly, I was wearing no T-shirts, buttons, scarves or anything else that would telegraph my theological or political leanings. I was wearing dangly earings, but not THAT dangly. No way am I well known enough in the denomination that people would recognize me on sight.

The only thing I can figure is that she must have seen me the day before hanging out at the Covenant Network booth in the Exhibit Hall talking to some friends who were hosting that booth at the time. From there, she made the inductive leap that since I have friends in the Covenant Network, I couldn't possibly be interested in spending a morning hearing what the PFR folks have to say.

Which is sad. Sadder because, if I had been in her place, I might have made similar assumptions. Saddest because, in scheduling what Breakfasts would happen when, the Master schedulers of the G.A. must also have assumed that it was safe to schedule these two events at the same time because folks who wanted to go to the PFR breakfast probably wouldn't want to go the the Peace breakfast and vice versa.

I hope we can all look forward to The Great Day when we will all sit at table in God's Kingdom.

Sharp Eyes

This morning my daughter was sitting next to me on the couch as I read an article about the top contenders for the VP slot on the two major party tickets.

"Who are all those people in the pictures?" she asked.

"Those are the people the newspaper thinks Barak Obama and John McCain are most likely to pick to be vice-president if they win."

"Oh." she replied.

Long Pause

"How come only one of them is a woman?"

That's my girl!

Sighs and Snorts

As an observer at GA, one sits with folks who are not being as careful and guarded in their responses to what's being discussed as the comissioners who have to work together all week.

As I've sat through committee hearings and now in plenary, I'm discerning a great spiritual difference between sighs and snorts. When someone near me sighs deeply at something that just transpired, the prevailing feeling I get from them is lament or deep frustration--both of which can be prayerful responses to something. A sigh seems like something the Holy Spirit can enter into and shape for God's purposes.

But with a snort the sense that prevades the atmosphere is contempt. "I despise that person who just spoke and everything they stand for". Room for the Spirit? Not so much.

How Virtual should we be?

This morning at General Assembly I attended a confab for people who serve on Committees on Ministry in their Presbyteries. One of the topics for discussion was from folks working in very rural areas. When a small, rural church in a remote area is without a Pastor there may not be any pastors available to preside at sacraments or to moderate a congregational or session meeting or to install/ordain officers. A pastor from an urban area pointed out that this can also be true when a non-English speaking congregation is without a pastor. There may not be a pastor nearby who can do what needs to be done in the language of that congregation. What to do? Someone floated the idea that with the advances in technology that make such things as virtual meetings possible, an isolated or non-English speaking church could potentially "beam in" a pastor from somewhere else in the Presbytery who could do some of this stuff remotely. If the set up was completely interactive and the "distance" pastor could hear and speak to the people in the remote location would this be okay?

What do you think? I'm leaning toward thinking it would be okay for things like moderating a session meeting or some other administrative task, but that for the sacraments, you really ought to be physically present.

Reassuring

So I'm here at General Assembly. Last night I went out in search of dinner and ended up running into a guy I went to high school with. He recognized me right away. Which, after 25 years is certainly reassuring.

Apostolic Succession

If my grandmother were still alive, she would be turning 100 this week.

When she was 81, her pastor approached her about becoming an elder. The nominating committee wanted someone who would be a good representative and advocate for the oldest genertion of that congregation. She was surprised, but she agreed. She was ordained an elder about 9 months before I was ordained as a Minister of Word and Sacrament.

That meant that at the point in the ordination service when they call all ministers and elders forward for the laying on of hands, my grandmother's hand was there among the others.

Which is all the apostolic succession I need.

Spanish Influence

My children are taking a summer Spanish class. It started yesterday. One of their first activities was to choose a Spanish name for themselves. My eight-year-old daughter's choice?

Margarita.

Time to put the blender away, maybe???

Sales Calls

In spite of working with a competent Office Administrator and a team of savvy office volunteers, I occassionaly find myself speaking on the phone to a sales representative of some sort. My husband is in sales, so I feel justified in offering this polite critique to a few of his "colleagues" out there:

1. If you have introduced yourself saying, "Hi this is (your first name). Just calling to check in with (my first name)this moring," you may have successfully duped our office volunteer into thinking you are someone I know well and want to talk to, but I now consider you to be a slick huckster and I don't trust you or like you. Well done. BTW if any of you big insurance,copier or computer companies are actually training your sales force to use this tactic, STOP IT. NOW. It's rude, dishonest and counter-productive.

2.If the next words out of your mouth are: "I've been researching your company's insurance/copier/computer needs and . . ." I immediately know that you have done no research at all or you wouldn't be calling our church a "company". You are reading a script and haven't bothered to nuance your language to fit the kind of organization you are calling.

3. If I tell you I am not knowledgable enough about the intricacies of our employee insurance plan,copier contract or computer system to be the one to evaluate the new product or service you want to sell us, please take my word for it. Trying to fake-compliment me by saying it is important that you deal with "a decision-maker like yourself" just reinforces my idea that you are clueless. There are very few churches in which the pastor can make executive decisions about stuff like this. If I say you need to talk to the chair of our property committee or our finance team, I'm trying to help you, not pass you off to some flunky.

Really. Don't call us, we'll call you.

To Kill A Mockingbird . . .

. . .Would be a service to the wider community, to my way of thinking.

Mr. and Mrs. Mockingbird have a nest in a tree in my backyard. Everytime I set paw outside they squwack and holler and hurl the vilest obscenities at me. They even get the Mockingbirds from neighboring territories into the act. They all dive bomb me at once.

Yesterday I had to hide in the bushes where they couldn't get at me. I didn't know how I was going to get back to the house safely. Luckily, Elizabeth, who usually ignores me or hisses at me, came to my aid. She charged the birds so they scattered just long enough for me to make a dash for the garage.

Thanks friend. You can have my portion of greenies today.

Balrog the Cat

Cats and Dogs

Oy. We have two key leaders in our church who really need to work well together to make some important things happen. Unfortunately, it is like trying to get a Jack Russel terrier and a Siamese cat to form an effective partnership.

Ashes to Ashes logistics

So yesterday we dedicated our new Memorial Garden. It's lovely and peaceful and ready to be used. In fact, we have several families who have been hanging on to the ashes of their loved ones until the Garden was complete and they are now calling to schedule dates for interment or scattering. (We have places for both.)

Now here is the thing. There are any number of liturgies for the committal or scattering of ashes, so the WORDS aren't a problem. But none of these liturgies cover the actual hands-on logistics of the thing. Do I place the urn in the pre-dug hole? Do I designate a deacon to do this? Or a member of the deceased's family? Do we put the dirt back over the hole while the family is still present? And if so, who does that? And what about scattering? Do we dump straight from the box? Or scatter by the handful? Or start with a symbolic handful and then dump straight from the box? And who scatters? Up till now, my experiences with ashes were either at a funeral home or cemetary where their staff "took care" of things--or the family was planning to scatter the ashes in a lake or ocean or mountain top somewhere and I wasn't involved in that bit.

What do you all do?

Signs of Aging

My spouse will be 43 on Monday. Yesterday the eye doctor told him he really needs to start thinking about bifocals.

My colleague and his wife just had a beautiful new baby girl. Another pastor, gushing about how wonderful this is, nudged me and said,"And this will give you a chance to practice your grandmotherly skills."

OUCH! I know, rationally, that at not-quite 44 it is perfectly possible for me to be a grandmother, even with no teen pregnancy involved. But please---since my own kids are still in elementary school, at least allow me the pleasant delusion that people won't be thinking "Pastor Rebel" and "Grandmotherly" at the same time for at least another decade.

That's all.

Followed by . . . .

A message on my voicemail from "Skip" wondering if I'd perfrom a marriage between him and his dog.

What is fascinating to me is that I did NOT say I would be performing gay marriages or that my church would host them. I simply said we would be praying for gay couples as they made their personal decisions about marriage in light of the court's ruling.

But I guess any statement even mildly supportive of gay people means I'm evil, huh?

Anyone else in California getting this kind of stuff??

Hate Mail--Whoo Hoo!

Last week a reporter for a local community paper called for my reaction to the California Supreme Court's Gay Marriage decision. Specifically, they wanted to know what my congregation would be doing, if anything, to acknowledge the decision. I responded that we would be praying for gay couples, that God would guide them as they decided whether or not to make a comittment to marriage. This was quoted in an article on "Pastors' Responses to Gay Marriage Decision".

Today I got a lovely, unsigned letter describing in detail the torments of hell I will soon be enjoying, complete with fire and flesh eating worms as punishment for my perverted teaching. The writer then assured me that s/he is praying for my salvation.

Yup. Really convinces me of the my error.

Not.